4 Principles To Make 2023 Awesome…Regardless Of The Circumstances
I’d like to believe there was something powerful about a New Year’s resolution; that committing oneself to a course of self betterment along with millions of other people could somehow ensure success.
We all know this is complete rubbish. Change is challenging, and committing to a hard goal without a plan and the means to accomplish it is setting oneself up for failure.
This Is Where Having A Powerful Mindset Comes In
I think of our mindset as our mental operating system running in the background. All the things we do, including our goals, are like specific apps and programs. If the operating system is optimized then all the apps should run more smoothly.
Ideas, beliefs and principles create the framework and content for our mental programming. By adopting and practicing certain principles we can create a powerful mindset that will catalyze all our efforts toward self improvement.
The thing about a powerful core mindset is that it needs to be relevant and functional regardless of our external circumstances.
This is one of the reasons that just focusing on “being positive” is not a good mental strategy.
Shit happens….sometimes a lot of it…all at once…and if my mindset is simply to be positive, then when that shitstorm happens and I lose my shit…that positive mindset goes completely out the window….because it’s not realistic.
These 4 principles are based on the works of Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca The Younger. As such, they are always relevant, functional, and will stand up to the harshest of existential winds.
1. Assume That Life Will Be Challenging and Uncomfortable
This may seem like a pessimistic point of view but it sets us up to be attentive and resilient to life. It’s my opinion that what most people wish for is for life to be easier and more comfortable. The problem with this is that with more comfort comes more neurotic tendencies.
Your amazing mind is optimized for solving problems and your physiology is uniquely adapted to thrive amidst hardship. When you replace hardship with comfort, something weird starts happening and the mind begins trying to solve itself. People become self-focused, self-centric, and self-absorbed.
By assuming life will be challenging and uncomfortable, we won’t shy away from difficulty or run toward the shelter of our self comforts. We will stand firmly in the midst of the rain and the cold and the wind…in the midst of financial hardships and relationship challenges.
We won’t be caught off guard because we know that hardship is part of the game…and we want to win the game, don’t we.
This way we can fully attend to those things that need our attention the most, thereby improving our position in life, which all but guarantees success in our endeavors.
2. Trust Yourself To Flourish Despite Your Challenges
Pessimism sets in when we assume life is filled with challenges and we don’t trust ourselves to be able to flourish. Another way to say this is that when the difficulties in life are greater than our capacity to deal with them, hopelessness sets in which erodes our sense of trust.
When this happens frequently or for long periods, hopelessness can turn into pessimism, which can give way to the most pathological of mindsets…nihilism. I believe nihilism to be the darkest and densests of mindsets…an event horizon beyond which psychological norms become warped and broken.
Recent surveys of people in the U.S. show that trust has eroded beyond what is functional and healthy for a population. Trust in the legal system, the political system, the health system…pretty much every system…has diminished across all demographics.
While there may be good cause to question the ethics and intentions of our big social systems, trust itself is a keystone for a healthy psychology. Trust allows us to operate in the midst of chaos without succumbing to paralysis, escapism, or excessive aggression.
Combining the first principle, Assume Life Will Be Challenging and Uncomfortable with this second principle, Trust Yourself To Flourish Despite The Challenges creates a strong foundation for a powerful mindset.
In ancient Chinese Medicine there’s a concept called duiyao where combining two different medicines together makes each one stronger and creates a powerful antidote.
Combining principles 1 and 2 can be an ontological duiyao to help fortify you against the biggest difficulties in life.
“Trust that life will be challenging, and trust yourself to flourish anyway.”
3. Replace Motivation With Discipline
Motivation is a billion dollar industry. Motivational speakers, motivational books, psychologists, doctors, and coaches all try to leverage motivation to help people improve their lives.
The problem with motivation is that it’s fleeting, unpredictable, poorly understood, and deceptive.
At any given moment there are hundreds of things competing for your attention. Motivation is the attentional energy you need to start and accomplish a task. What happens when you have a lot of competing needs?
For example, you have the need to improve your cardiovascular fitness, build muscle, get stronger, lose belly fat, etc. In the morning you might also have the “need” to stay in bed where it’s comfortable and warm. Or maybe at the end of your workday you have the “need” to go out and have a couple drinks with your friends to decompress.
Each of those perceived needs can…will compete with your very real health and performance goals.
So, stop trusting your fleeting motivations and simply commit to a plan. Do that plan for a while and iterate as needed. If it’s too hard then scale it down. If it’s too easy or doesn’t hold your attention, scale it up or explore something else.
Simply commit to doing something and do it. This will improve your self trust and accelerate your efforts toward your goals.
“Grit is the ability to do your best even when you’re at your worst.”
When you do something, especially when you’re not motivated to do it, and you know it’s the right thing to do, you’re also developing grit at the same time…and everyone likes a two-for-one.
4. Expectations Are The Enemy
What are they the enemy to?...pretty much everything that drives health and happiness.
Statements and beliefs like:
This shouldn’t be that hard.
This is how it should’ve been.
This person should be acting like this.
I was really hoping x would happen.
Are impossible to avoid.
Expectations are how we navigate our lives. They establish a framework to limit mental and emotional chaos and give us a way to reduce psychic entropy.
The problem with expectations is they are sticky and often do not adapt as needed. I can recall so many times in my life where I felt very disappointed, frustrated, angry, sad, and confused because something didn’t meet my expectations. This is actually normal.
Our dopamine system runs our ability to predict events in our life. This is everything from the most mundane tasks, to how you expect to feel after getting a major promotion. That slight feeling of frustration you get when you go to tie your shoe in a hurry and you mess up the knot is a small but sharp decline in dopamine.
Dopamine drives every action we take and makes it possible for us to learn from our mistakes through the power of prediction…expectations.
So, how do we reconcile the fact that we need expectations to navigate life but we also suffer when they are unfulfilled?
Holding onto our expectations after the situation has passed is what amplifies our frustration and limits our ability to adapt and learn.
We can look to the practice of detached action for help with this paradox that we all struggle with. This is how it works…
You anticipate, predict, and expect something to happen a certain way…and it doesn’t happen.
You may feel frustration. Instead of letting that passing emotion dictate your next words or actions, take a step back. Feel frustration as pure energy coursing through your body…because that’s actually what it is.
Then simply say to yourself “ok this is what’s happening,” and let go of your expectations.
Then ask yourself or any of your conspirators, “what can I do about this now?...what needs to happen?”
Then take action.
Here’s a quick summary of the principles:
1. Assume life will be challenging and uncomfortable
2. Trust yourself to flourish despite the challenges
3. Replace motivation with discipline
4. Expectations are the enemy
I wish you the very best this year and hope these principles help to reinforce a strong mindset that will see you through every challenge and accelerate you toward your goals!
If you like what you read be sure to subscribe to the newsletter
Here are a few more ways I can help you:
I post daily about men's health, performance, and longevity.